Fighting for the light
by Sabie
Summary: When darkness claims you, do you still believe in light? Do good people always do good thing? What can animal instincts lead to?


Searching for the Light  
  
Author: Sabie  
Rating: PG13  
Summary: When darkness claims you, do you still believe in light? Do good people always do good thing? What can animal instincts lead to?  
Main characters: Nerissa (mine), Sabertooth (not mine), Logan (not mine either)  
FEEDBACK WANTED!!! AND WANTED BADLY!!!  
  
PART1  
It was the crash, just simple, stupid auto crash. She was driving with Bobby from the town, their car full of packs they got from the mall. They chatted, smiled, the sun shined, the birds sang - and the fucking truck rode from around the corner.  
All Bobby needed was a moment, just a small moment to turn the car away. I wish he had it. All I remember was the sight of the truck coming straight at us, then impact, flash of pain, and blackness.  
I woke up in hospital, covered in bandages. They were everywhere, I felt them around my arms, legs, even around my eyes. Was I that bad?! The sudden thought came to me: the image of my form laying on the white sheets, arms and legs broken and bruised, the face scarred past recognition, without possibility to move, but still alive for some crazy reason.  
I whirled in the bandages, at least I tried to. I couldn't move. I was so terrified I screamed.  
A moment later someone's hand placed itself on my forehead over the bandages. "It's okay, ma'am. You got in the crash and got injured. You shall relax and try to rest."  
I tried to chock the words out of my throat, though it was hard like my throat was stuffed with sand. "Will... I... move?..."  
"Sure you will" the hand patted my forehead. "You got several bones broken, to your body if fixed. That's why you can't move now. However, given time, you'd be as new." I could almost swear the woman above me smiled.  
I eased on the bed, if it can be said so. It was okay, I was just fixed. Nothing more. Several weeks - and I'll get outta here on my own legs. To keep on living. With these thought I drifted into sleep.  
###  
The days went by, and I was getting better. It appeared to be that Bobby - that lucky bastard - got only his arm broken, and a couple of bruises. The same day the accident happened, Jean and Scott came to see if I was okay. They provided everything needed for my curing and reassured the docs they had enough money to pay, so I received the best possible treatment.  
Bobby was soon released, so he visited me every time possible. Probably felt guilty, thinking it was all his fault. Finally he said this to me.  
"No, Bobby, it wasn't. now, shall I tell you anyone could have been in your place? It was the truck driver after all. The police said he was drunk as hell. Could probably sterilize a fork with one breath."  
I patted his hand that he had on my other hand, that was how I knew it was there. Yes, that was the only way for me to know it was there. Though most of the bandages were taken off already, the bandage on my eyes stayed. Needless to say it worried me more in days.  
After rooting through the possible reasons of this, I made a decision. I must have gotten hideous and scarred all over, and they didn't want me to see it. To prove it, I ran one of may hands over the other. Yes, I could feel several scars there, as well as on the other hand when I touched it.  
"Am I hideous?" I asked Logan when he came to visit me yet again - he was actually visiting me just as often as Bobby. ~Must have got a crush on me, or?~ No answer followed at first, and when I was ready to break the silence, he spoke. "Why would you?" I got irritated. "Well, just tell me, okay?!" I demanded. "And tell me the truth."  
"No, you ain't hideous." He stated the fact, funny at its simplicity. That wasn't enough for me thought. "But I do have scars." "Yes, you do. Though only two of them are big, as well as I can see."   
I frowned. It was apparently making no sense. If I wasn't hideous, if my eyes were okay - and they were, as I could feel no pain there, even when I moved my orbs - then what's the point in blindfolding me? Having no better option, I asked him.  
"I think the docs know what they do" Logan stated simply, and I knew he shrugged. "If I were you, I'd have trusted them." I'd have believed in what he said, if only not his voice. Almighty tough Wolverine can probably hide his thoughts from the others, but those small tunes in his voice I could hear were uncovering him fully. And now they were telling me he was uncertain.  
"I do trust them" I snapped irritated, "All I want is to know why I'm blindfolded. Is something wrong with this? I've been like this for a week already, or more. I'm tired!" And I really was, after all that time deprived of TV, books, crosswords and other crap people usually do in hospitals to kill time.   
"Okay then." I could almost see Logan nodded. "I'll go ask the docs what's it all about and be right back."  
He wasn't right back. He didn't come for hours, and when the door opened, I was almost sure it was him. "So, what's it about?!" I demanded, angry for him fumbling so long. Now, didn't he know I was worried?! Why the hell could he move so fast in battle and couldn't bring his shaggy ass here in a record time?! But it was Bobby. "Where's that damn Logan, huh?!" "I'll go look for him" came his confused answer, as he hurried to retreat - not many people can stand me in angry mode.  
He didn't come back either. This little prick just vanished in the air, not bothering to come and tell me what was going on. The whole damn day I was alone, at least I thought it was the whole day. I almost decided to go and yank that damn blindfold off and go look for those two asses to provide them a good kick Sabertooth would have been proud of.  
When the door opened, I was on the edge or worry and frustration at once. "Who's there?!" I yelled in the meanest voice. Let them now I'm not the right person for jokes. It was the doctor, and someone with him. Must be Logan. I decided to pretend I didn't know he was there - right what he deserves for being so damn late.  
"So, I heard you're disappointed with the blindfold?" the doctor said, then his voice trailed off. He started from the other end. "It has nothing to do with your body condition, Mrs, you're actually healthy enough to leave the hospital, but..."  
I needed to damn 'but' and crawling around. Healthy - that means I can be out. Means the blindfold goes into trash can. Means I'm leaving and getting back to my old nice life, which will start from a good kick of Wolvie's ass.  
I sat on the bed sharply. "I can be out? Then consider me as being out." With that I dropped my feet on the floor, ready to get up. Now, the blindfold off - and I can finally see what those med-geeks done with me. They better pray I liked their work.  
Someone's hands caught mine before I could touch the bandages around my head. The hands were Logan's. "Maybe you can wait with this, darling?..." his voice was weirdly tender and worried, and instead of calming me down it gave me creeps. If such a tough badass like Logan talks to you in this soothing manner, the things are bad. REALLY bad. Worse than he thought I could handle. Driven by sudden fear, I yanked the blindfold off to see what had they done...  
I saw nothing. I blinked. Was it so dark in the room? Was it night? Was it... Damn, did they really think they could hide what they done with me by simply getting me into darkness? How silly. "Switch the light on, no tricking around!" I demanded. Logan's hand caressed my cheek. "Look, darling, it's not all that bad, it's just..." "SWITCH THAT FUCKING LIGHT ON!" I yelled desperately, pushing his hand off me. Damn people decided to trick around, and he felt like joining them!  
"Darling..." his voice trailed off. "It's light around, Nerissa. It's a daytime."   
I froze. "Day?" I blinked. What the fuck? Was it some foolish joke? How can the day be so dark? What the... "Then why don't I see it's a day? Why don't I see?..." suddenly I heard my own voice crack into a yell. "WHY DON'T I FUCKING SEE THIS FUCKING DAY?!!"  
I felt Logan's hands pressing me to his chest, but I fought them desperately, as if I could fight the claiming darkness with this. "Why is it so?!" I screamed hysterically, pounding my fists into his solid chest. "Here're my eyes, not poked out, not harmed, just as they were! Why do you rob me off my sight?! How could you?! how fucking could you?!!!"  
I hit his jaw, and he loosened his grasp on me, startled. I ran. My hip hit the boarder of the bed, and I hissed. Still I ran, slammed into the wall, slapped my hands all over it looking for the door, found it and ran out into the corridor.  
Startled voices of the nurses were heard, but it meant nothing to me. I was running. I was escaping the darkness, knowing if I would be quick enough, I'll ran away from it, and I'll find the normal open place and see the sun and giggle at their joke.  
I stumbled over banks and stuff, as I ran along the corridor until I hit the wall again. There I let my knees give way and sank on the floor, feeling tears streaming down my face.  
"No... how could you?... how dared you?... all of you... motherfuckers..." I sobbed, when a slim hand touched my shoulder. "No one meant to, Nerissa. I'm... I'm sorry..." It was Bobby, crotched in front of me. I caught his wrist and pulled him to myself harshly. Fucking bastard came here to laugh at me. I knew while he was talking to me all those pathetics there, his lips were smiling. He was happy I was like this, motherfucker! I just knew he was happy, and his eyes were gleaming, his fucking seeing eyes!  
"You" I couldn't recognize my voice, it sounded like coming out of the grave. But ain't the grave the place where it's always dark? "You did it all. it was YOUR fault! Your fucking careless driving! It should have been YOU who lost the eyes, not me! Ya hear me, mongrel?! YOUR FUCKING FAULT!" he was smiling. I knew it. With a sharp well practiced hit I punched the place where I thought his jaw shall be. The sound proved I reached the target. He'll smile no more.  
I heard him hitting the floor hard and not moving, when several hands grasped me. The tingling feeling of a needle followed, and the next moment I passed out.  
###  
I came to senses on the same bed I escaped from. Logan was by my side, his comforting hand on my own one.   
My mind was foggy from the drug, and I felt dizzy. The blindfold was taken off already. No need in it now. When I spoke, I was shocked just how weak my voice was.  
"How it happened?" After the shock went off, I felt so tired my voice sounded matter-of-factly, like it wasn't me who lost the sight, but someone I didn't even know.  
His hand tightened on my fingers. "I dunno all that medical crap, all I understood was that your optic nerve was ruined by the impact. You got a hard hit on your head when hitting the car panel with your forehead. Those thingies in the back of your eyeballs, that receive the light and make a picture out of it - they got heavily shaken or whatever. That's all I know."  
It took me several minutes to think it all over. The dizziness the drugs provided robbed me of any activity, so I didn't drop into emotions and thought just over the facts. After all, this wasn't all so bad, I knew many cases when people got their eyes injured - but the modern technologies helped them to regain it. Why me not to be one of them.  
"There're operations that can help me, no?" I muttered bluntly. Logan's fingers stroked my hand. "I also thought about it. Perhaps... well, yes, there're ways to get you back into norm. It'll sure as hell take its time to find the right way, but I'm sure we'll fix you, kid."  
I smiled and clenched his hand. "Sure we will."  
Then a thought came to me. "Can you get me a phone here?" "Sure, kid." Logan smiled (at least I thought he did) and rooted around a bit. Then I felt a cell phone being put in my hand. "Here it is. Shall I deal the number?" "Nope, thank you."  
He was polite enough to exit, and I was grateful to him - it was a private talk I was gonna make. Now that I knew it wasn't all that bad and I had a really huge chance to get my sight back, I was calmer (or maybe it were the drugs?).   
Still, I needed someone's shoulder to rely on and someone's hand to patch me up if something. So I dialed the number (not as hard as I thought it'd be, I could easily find the right button) and waited until the beeping stopped and the answer was finally came, confident as usual.  
"Yes?"  
"Victor?"  
  
PART2  
She called me. I can't believe, but she just called me like this and asked me to come. Don't ask me if I knew it'd turn out this way when I started this all.  
At the start it looked all innocent like a newborn. Well, the thing is I did wonder how it is to be a normal citizen with a girlfriend and everyday without murders. I did wonder - and I betcha kept on wondering, still I wasn't that wise that day.  
I decided to try. No, no way I stopped the killing - it'd be just as easy as for you to quit smoking, drinking and using drugs at the same day, easy, huh? What I did was a play.  
Yes, I played as if I was a normal man with some boring clerk work - my official cover for that time. I pretended myself to be just another freak, and you wonder whom I was making all this show for? You won't believe.  
A girl, just a normal one, she worked in the same firm I did. For some cursed reason she had nothing against mutants. For some even more cursed reason she wasn't afraid of me. And for the worst reason she fell in love with me.  
Not that I responded to her feelings with my heart - now, do I look like some drooling DiCaprio geek? I was just playing along. Funny, but the time I spent with her brought me some weird relief. I felt free with her, knowing she wasn't expecting something special from me, wasn't threatening me either (though what if she did? She's no match to me anyway).  
With her I felt myself another way, and sometimes I wondered if I was really a killer, or it was just a dream, and in real life I was just a clerk? I did feel this way. But when I came home to see contracts scattered around and weapons on the bed and in the drawlers, I knew I still was a homicidal psychopathic killer.  
The state of my rooms was the actual reason I never let her come to my quarters. She didn't even know where I lived, she thought I was living in the local motel nearby. Let her live with the tale, and think I was safe.  
So, all she knew was my cell phone number. And now she was calling me, not to set a date or to tell the meeting time. She was asking me to come to her. Said she was in Missandra hospital, got into the crash. Said she got blind, but it wouldn't last long since she had a fat chance to get the sight back. Some operation, she said.  
I told her I'd come, like any loving geek would have told. Then when I switched off my cell phone, I wasn't sure. The thing is that when hanging the phone, I switched from the 'nice-guy' mode to 'killer' mode. And the killer mode found idea of going to another state because some girlie had called you and asked for it... well, 'killer' mode found it stupid.  
Still, I wasn't sure. I was almost ready to stay, in spite of silly uneasiness that crept inside my guts, when I found a good excuse for my 'killer' mode. The hospital was in Westchester - and that was where X-geeks settled down. Huge chance for picking a good old fight with the runt.  
'Killer' mode seemed to be satisfied, 'nice guy' mode was utterly happy, so the decision had been made. I took off to Westchester.  
###  
The moment I entered the hospital... no earlier, when I had just parked nearby, the strong scent hit my nostrils. The scent I could never mistaken with anything else, the one of those X-geeks. I could even define it was that redhead and her one-eyed fiance.  
The runt had been here too, not long ago, and damn but he had been here way too often. I smiled. Maybe, this white streaked slut finally got into trouble? She'd have deserved it.  
So, I stalked inside the building and asked the nurse where I could find my dear Nerissa. After some rooting through papers she gave me the number of the room. All I needed to know it was the third floor - there I was sure I could find her by scent. I could have found her from here too, was it not hospital with rich sickening antiseptic scents floating around.  
I got to the elevator, disgusted by the fact I was following exactly the trail of Logan's scent. got to the third floor and went on along the corridor looking for the right room. Fuck, but the damned scent was following me! Well, it was actually me following it, but thinking this way was too much already.  
Absently, I switched on following it, with the goal to get to know where was the white streak bitch laying. I got to the door and was ready to enter when I saw the plate. '312' Damn, it was where Nerissa was laying! Did they dare to put Rogue and my Nerissa in the same room?!  
I opened the door and stood there for some time. There was no Rogue here. What's the hell?! Why were they coming here then?! I turned my head, ad it was the moment I saw Nerissa. It must have been the 'nice-guy' mode switching on, because in a moment I was beside her bed, examining her face and especially her eyes.  
Weird thing, but they looked so normal I couldn't believe. Just they didn't move, they stared at one spot, almost not blinking, and it looked creepy. Reminded me of the corps' eyes, the same dead expression there. I carefully put my hand on hers - funny, it covered her small hand completely. Was I that big? Or it was her who was so small? Or both?  
This moment her other hand grasped mine. "Victor?" She must have felt the claws - the unmistakable sign of me being me, even if your sight is lost. "Yes, dear. It's me." Her face relaxed with those words, and she smiled. Damn, but I love when she smiles, both my modes like.  
"You know, Vic, I never thought I'd ever go blind, even for some time." He hand tensed. "Sometimes it's giving me creeps. Like, I feel some creatures behind my back, all around me, and I know they are there, but I can't see them. Creepy."  
I suddenly caught myself on smiling too. "Well, there's really one horrible creature near you. It's me." She laughed. Good sign - it meant she wasn't that bad. Hell! If she wasn't that bad, if she wasn't dying or so, why the hell did she call me then, huh?! Or it is what those fallen-in-love geeks are supposed to do?  
Anyway, I didn't like it all, no I didn't... suddenly I knew why I didn't. The scent. It was all over the bed, on the pillow, in Nerissa's hair, like she'd been washed in 'Logan' deodorant.  
"Was there someone coming here before me?" I asked, and she smiled again. "Sure, it's you and your nose, how could I forget! Yeah, there were those new friends of mine, who showed me the town. They're funny, Vic, I'm sure you'd like them. they're also mutants, a real mutant club. They call themselves... some funny name that group had... ow, yeah, the X-men." She laughed a bit. "Now, they're nice though act like aliens sometimes, and..."  
I didn't listen. I was shocked. I felt betrayed. I only heard her stop her bubbling when my growl over-shouted her small voice. That moment she finally shut up and just her unseeing eyes got wide. "W-w-what?" she managed to chick out.  
"Nothing" I growled to her, and she looked like she would have crept out of the bed and run away, had she her sight. Well, it wasn't like she got tightly in touch with my feral tendencies. Thought it to be something for bed-time, not for day life.  
"So, X-men." I spat out. "Who's next? Drooling punk?" She kept silence. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard. "Answer me, damn you! Who's next?! Bill Clinton?! Warner Brothers studio?! Who?!" she just laid there, playing rag doll, until the nurse ran in and grasped my arm, shouting something about inappropriate behavior and so and so...  
"I'm fine" Nerissa's voice was chocking, but still it worked and the nurse left us alone. I looked at girl's form, bruises already forming on her shoulders, and suddenly I felt uneasy. X-men or not, she was after crash, severely shaken and blind, and she asked me for help. And here I was, bruising her even worse than she already had. Ugly, Creed, very very ugly.  
I placed my hand on her forehead, brushing the dark strands away from her face. "So, what about operation?"  
To her bonus, she was tough kid. No whimpering around, calm voice, though a bit shaking. "They said I have a chance, the operation is easy one, usually successful."  
Clever kid, didn't tell who were 'they'. No X-men around.  
That was when the runt entered the room.  
  
TBC! 


End file.
